Announcement

Dear BYU-I, Facebook advertisements, and Junk Email,

I would like to take just a moment and explain to you something of grave importance. I am not diseased. I am single. Not diseased.

Furthermore, I would appreciate a reduction in the references to marriage, finding Christian singles near me (Thank you facebook, really, I live in Rexburg. They aren't hard to find), and to find my soulmate through online dating services. I am doing just fine. I love my life the way it is right now. I am far too selfish for a relationship.

Thank you for your concerns but stop.

Sincerely,

Single and Loving It

Birds

When I was younger, probably between 7 and 9 I had a sleepover at my Grandma's house with my cousin Amanda. We stayed up late in the guest bedroom talking about this and that knowing that the other person cared about what we were saying. I guess that's just how things are when your family is your best friend.
Anyway, Amanda has always loved telling me about movies, books, or television shows. We were up late whispering about Alfred Hitchcock's Birds. There was no detail left un-told, no image from a scene left un-lived. It was a fantastic. A short time later I watched the actual film. Since this time it has been one of my favorites.
Let's fast forward to now and days. Up here in the little town of Rexburg I'm just one student in the thousands and I love it. From where I am sitting I can look out across the garden. (This is where many people go to get engaged, take engagement photos, take family pictures, or NCMO) (Non-Commital Make-Out). This morning I woke up early and made my way across campus where there were two rabbits to join along my trail here and there. I startled a duck into flgith and watched the little thing flap and make a noise I've never heard before. Now I see two ravens gathering twigs for a nest. I love it. Every sight, every moment.
But i am not in nature, simply an observer. so you can imagine my surprise when I hear the chatter of birds. Initial thought? A ring tone. Second thought? The Birds are coming to get us. But my panic was calmed when our friendly postal men came by. The chicks for a psychology 300 class had arrived and were being delivered.
No worries, I am safe.

Have you ever. . .

Have you ever sent that message?
A text, a voice mail, email, or even real live postal service letters. As soon as it escapes your grasp, immediately your insides lurch and you try for something to grab onto.

If I had a dollar for every time I sent that text, then I would be rich. In fact, I would purposefully send highly regrettable letters for the sake of pleasing my bank account - but that is another issue.

I guess what I am trying to say is that life is full of if I hadn't but what about the if I had-s? Fill your yesterdays with the "if I hadn't-s" and live for the tomorrows of an unraveling plot.

Earth Day

Happy Earth Day everyone!

I will admit that I woke up this morning with a little more of a spring in my step and purpose in my walk. I love Earth Day. What other cause is there that can bind each individually? We all live her and we all hope to continue to do so.
What better way could Mother Earth be celebrating a day honoring her achievements then to take a deep cleansing shower? She is treating herself to a little self-love.
With the elements whirling about me I walked in and out of classes, every step taking deep breath after deep breath. The smell of rain awakens all sorts of feelings and hopes I have for myself and the world around me.
I tightened my baseball cap, put on my jacket and set of to the grocery store. Never have I seen so much beauty in each puddle. Step after step I saw the grass which seemed to be getting greener, trees that seemed to stretch taller, and flowers that seemed to bloom with a little more pride then they have in days past.
Along with the wonders and beauties of the earth I also saw what man could do. I saw wrappers now drenched forming meche-like casts over blades of grass, polluted waters - murky from main street congestion, and saw trees drilled and manipulated like they were someone's pine wood derby without wheels.
There is so much that we can do. We all individually have a roll to play by not being the problem. Many seem to give up when faced with uncertainty or set backs. I mean why shouldn't someone litter? What is one more piece of trash and one more plastic water bottle. Oh ew. Not only is research being released regularly describing the toxins found in plastic but they are crowding our oceans and polluting our clean water. Why shouldn't you litter? Why should you?! What is waiting five minutes to throw it away in a trash can or waiting to get home to get rid of it. Heaven forbid if you miss the can the first time that you should pick it up. What an absurd idea? Really, its disgusting. Are you really that lazy? Really?
Little known fact about the rain. It is the longest standing beat-boxing champion in the history of the world. Ya, true story. I dare you to just listen and try not to be impressed. Each drop adding a layer to the rhythm, every drip keeping tempo. Really.
Look around.
Open your eyes.
Open your ears.
Try not to be impressed.

Happy Earth Day.

Its Just Frustrating

Here are a few of the things that are just frustrating:
- Shoe laces coming untied
- Clothes that used to fit right but don't anymore
- Getting job offers right after you move out of the state
- Spots on your glasses
- Too many text books
- Putting your socks on the wrong feet and changing them only to realize halfway through that it doesn't matter
- Being alone when you need someone, being surrounded when you need to be alone
- Math

Yep, those are just a few things on my mind.

Worth The Wait

Outside my window is a parking lot. Home to various models, makes, and wheels. Each set of wheels marking somewhere they've been, somewhere they've taken a rest, somewhere.
With the turn of the key a car starts the growl that starts it all. Normally, engine revving, a car transports the fragile cargo of a human life to that somewhere. But what happens when the car doesn't start?
Outside my window was a car trying its hardest to rev up and take off. With each growl there was a sigh of exhaustion.
First try. Nothing.
Here's my question is it worth the wait? Is it worth the effort of cranking that key and pumping the gas? All to get somewhere, to be somebody.
Second try. Nothing.
Still worth it? What about when you put it all out there and remain, without a step forward, stagnant. Knowing what the growl could lead to, the uproar. The love of something on the way to somewhere.
Third try. The uproar.
What if that driver had given up? It could possibly be a reflection of the importance of that somewhere. Or perhaps a reflection of the belief in luck until it runs dry.
Here's my question.
When does disappointment out weigh the hope?
When is it not worth the wait?

3:30

3:30 is a truly bewitching hour. When the world is still and the breathe of a child ices the galaxy, feel free to cry up to the stars. Bargain with the cosmos. The hum and chatter of car motors, conversations both enjoyable and heart breaking, and disappointment seem to settle, like the haze over the valley. Still there and ominous, its a sigh of relief - if just for a minute.

The smog things, the atmosphere seems to desimate. Given a key to the heavens, the door is unlocked. That is when I lay back and whisper to the stars. I tell them my secrets, my fears, and my anxieties. They know what I can't say and take my tears. With no exchange of pity the stars take the tears and sparkle as never before.

Tears of joy mingle with tears of loss, of grief, of pain. A shimmering reminder that they have them, millions of billions of miles away.
No need to fear.
No need to worry.
No need, it has already been met.