Sometimes

Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes it hurts to go to sleep because I know that all I have to wake up to in the morning is nothing. Sometimes I work so hard for something but nothing comes of it. Sometimes it just doesn't seem worth it anymore.
Now, no worries to all of the zero people reading this blog, I hardly read it myself. I am not suicidal. I could never ever take my own life and can't understand how anyone ever could.
Consequences.
It all comes down to the fact that everything we do has a consequence. Sometimes the consequences are small. Like choosing to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or left overs. Most of the time it isn't going to change your life. Sometimes the consequences are big. Like who to marry. Now you could marry someone who loves you and is willing to work with you to make it through each and every day. Or, just maybe you end up with the man who will beat you. Both have consequences and sometimes you have to choose one.
Sometimes, life still sucks.

WANTED

WANTED: A Job

Hard working, able, fully functioning, busy body in need of employment.
Will work any day (offer excludes Sundays)
Experience in customer service, janitorial work, ice cream mixing and creating, and clothing retail.
Wages start at minimum wage or more.

See me for further details.

Now accepting offers.

Weddings

Sometimes you wake up in a bad mood and other times bad moods are thrust upon you. My bad mood came with one word - Periwinkle.

Once upon a time my sister Chrissie fell in love. She fell far and lucky for the guy fell with her. She waited for him on his mission and in turn he waited for her. Now that she is home, he has proposed and she has consented to m-word him. (In a Shakespeare play this would be marked in the script as an aside) (So - aside - she got engaged Friday and today is the one month mark for her to be home from her mission) (moving a little fast? Ya - just maybe)


All of this fairy tale leads to one thing. A wedding. I hate weddings. It is so much stressed packed into "the happiest day of your life." What a bunch of bull - honky.



Now, some may say that I am just jealous that my sister has found her prince charming and will be getting her happily ever after. Good for her, I still hate weddings. It isn't a jealousy thing, it is a here we go again only this time I am stuck in the middle and can't get out.



First, there is the planning. No matter if you have five months or three weeks, there is still X amount of work to be done in not enough time. You have everything to worry about that is involved in a wedding. You have flowers, pictures, dresses, food, reception hall, invitations, shoes, colors, food, decorations, hairstyle, food, and the fact that you are getting over your head in a whole lot of commitment for a really long time to deal with. If that doesn't stop your heart or make you head spin, you have people to worry about. Uncle Timmy can't be in the sun too long so there should be chairs out of the sun, or Aunt Myrtle simple can't eat cashews so please no cashews or be sure to invite Cousin Voldemort, he's been so lonely lately. So much for the happiest day of your life. You must accommodate to what everyone wants or expects at what expense? At your expense.
Do you have a headache yet? Let me help.

Periwinkle.

Weddings are tough on the bride and groom. Here they genuinely want to get married and society and mother-in-laws have placed an obstacle course ahead of you. Survival of the fittest at its best. The bride has built up so much anger and frustration that she won't take out on the man who will be her forever or his family so where does she turn? The bridesmaids.
You see, this is her day, she is the princess, she is look to fabulous, and she is THE BRIDE. Don't you dare mess with that type of authority. Don't you dare look prettier, dress fancier, or smile bigger. This is her day and **profanity** all eyes will be on her. One problem, on average you have 2 to 3 young girls following the bride everywhere and believe it or not 9 out of 10 times they are still available. Never fear, the bride has a counter attack.
Brides








Maids









Dresses.








Like I said, periwinkle. PERIWINKLE.
Mid-calf to full length, head to toe, Periwinkle.

Best part about brides maid dresses is that you can shorten them and wear them again later.

Shoot me now.

Reality vs. Fancy

Coming to grips with reality is one of the hardest things to do. I wish that when my mind strays and the world I imagine would unfold in front of me and that would be reality. There wouldn't be contention or a feeling of guilt. No way could there be disappointment.
In my psychology class this past semester the teacher said that what your brain tells you is your reality. So if I really wanted to, what I imagine could be reality. The fancy term for that is schizophrenia.

Sleep

In a sleepy town, under the sleepy covers, in a sleepy corner the mind does not sleep. The gears turn, each cog and wind pulling the strings on the knot of anxiety. Numbers, time lines, and a bouncing ball trying to sing along to no known melody.
There is an entire world available it is all a matter of opening the door. A wanderer would never tell you the lump you have to swallow to grab a hold of the door knob. A lump of fear, anxiety, even excitement.
The trick is to act like you know what you're doing. Act like you are supposed to be there. Act like one of the crowd.
And if you were born to stick out? Better luck next time.

Only Words

There is something to be said for the one who speaks without thinking. Being fearless in speaking your mind is a quality possessed by artists. Think about it. Da Vinci probably loved to talk about everything. I imagine that he would lay in his bed late at night staring up at his ceiling rolling ideas around and around with his tongue, waiting for the echo to get back to him.
The funny thing about words is that once you let them out, once you give them a voice, they are gone just like that. From the time when you open your lips to when you lick your upper lip as if to signify a period, the words are already out on the journey into the cosmos.
They can't be taken back, they can't be repeated - not with the same sort of emphasis or feeling.
Leave it to the poet to write it down, to immortalize humanity.
Leave it to the poet to record the disposable.
Leave it to the poet.

A Beautiful Thing

Certainly, there are arguments and debates nation-wide that solely exists because of the world of sports. The Tiger Woods story broke records. A story of a man in the world of sports cheating on his wife was the cover story for days and days, so much so that it was consecutively the cover story more days then the attack on September 11. Now, I am not trying to make a political or social critique but I am saying something about sports.
How do they do it?
There is nothing like seeing the snap of a football into an awaiting quarterback's hands. From here the ball will either be spiraled out to execute a running game play or tucked under the arm to make it to a first down and ultimately, a touch down.
What is it about helmets clashing and men in tight pants that brings awe to my spirit?
There is a certain amount of beauty in the spiral of a ball, soaring 30 yards down the way to expecting arms. There is even more stunning glamour to the arms catching the ball and running to the endzone.
Immediately there are under-dogs and the giants of the game. There are coaches and players. There are fields and fans. There aren't words enough to explain what watching a game does to a person.
There is a certain beauty to the game.

Chasing Perfection

What is perfection?

Today I Saved Lives - No Big Deal

Once upon a time in a land known as Sandy I decided to do what all the cool kids were doing and donate blood. It turns out, my height correlated with my weight minus a quart of the precious commodity of blood is not the best of ideas. Who would have thought? But, because of this experience I have been put in the big data base operated by the nice folks at ARUP. My name comes up from time to time and I get a friendly call in which involves a pleading ARUP employee asking for my platelets.
Here is some non-scientific but still slightly scientific jargon and facts for you to wrap your head around. Platelets are a part of your blood. Donating platelets is around a two hour process that involves extracting the blood out of you where is sent to whirl around in a machine and then recirculates non plateleted blood back into you. Also, you will commonly find a virus in people's blood. It isn't fatal like H1N1 (or some virus that later will become a big scare and I can look back at this blog and say called it), but its a virus that you are immune to if it is in your blood. This is a factor that complicates the process of transfusions, operations, or really anything involved in saving lives and all that entails.
Who has two thumbs and strange virus free blood? This chick.
This only keeps the good people at ARUP calling me. It is pretty cool because my blood, or in this case, my platelets are used to help babies and even cancer patients. As it is blood and platelets are in high demand. They are needed and as the lady on the phone informed me, they have been going through more then was originally expected. (Side note- you never realize how many people are in the need of blood on a daily bases. It is way too easy to get caught up in the thought that if you are doing well, so is the rest of the world. Its like hearing sirens on your birthday, the two just don't seem to match).
I would like to take a moment to say that this is not me trying to make a some what obscure reference to that one craze or series. I forget what it is called.
Maslow came up with this pyramid of needs. The theory here is that each level, starting with the base and moving to the tip, needs to be reached the top can not be reached without having mastered the other levels in order. The base is the need for physical things like food, water, and shelter. Next is safety like not getting hit by a car, third is the need for inclusion and social interactions, fourth is the need for esteem. This is the positive view of self and it doesn't hurt to get a little of the positive esteem from others as well. The fifth and final level is something called self-actualization. This is when you are your best self. It is a certain level of accomplishment that combines the fulfillment of the other steps with a sense of self and I have always imagined self-actualization being a positive experience. Picture it. See what I mean?
Well, donating blood is something that gets me a little bit closer to this self-actualization thing. It seems a bit ridiculous but knowing that my iron levels are up makes me feel good about myself. The lady testing my blood checked my platelet count from my last visit and mentioned that I had a good platelet count. Give yourself a pat on the back for that one. The man that was monitoring the machine right as everything was finishing up said that I had gone fast. He said that I must have a good vein. I don't want to brag or anything but you're welcome ARUP man.

Totally unrelated note, it is so crazy to see just a part of your blood sitting in a bag. Platelets are a tanish yellowish color. There's your fun fact for the day.

One step forward or two steps back

I am a thinker.
I am constantly thinking about today, tomorrow, yesterday, the day that came before yesterday and so and so forth. I think, today this is what I need to do to prevent something tomorrow. Then, I think about how everything went yesterday. I think about how I did not do what I wanted to do and how I am wasting my day today what I should have done tomorrow. That leads me to wonder why I did not do what I was supposed to do when I was supposed to do. Answer? Day dreaming.
I am a dreamer.
It is a constant state of not the current conversation. Someone says that they went to California. Immediately, I am off in California. I'm walking on a pier where I stand on the edge. I wiggle my flip-flop covered toes over the edge and see an empty milk jug covered in algae bobbing on the waters surface. If i am really lucky I might see a dead fish. I would like to boast that I am somewhat a realistic day dreamer.
Oh well, I guess there are certain things about a person that will never change. I hope I forever and always look at everything as if it were some romantic fairy tale. I absolutely love looking at myself and thinking that my possibilities are endless. I know that I can do anything. I really can. I can get what I want assuming that I do it. That's the trick.
Just do it.
Be fearless.
I am a doer.