Teeth, Floss, and Other Practical Things

I love to brush my teeth. Really. Love it. There is something that gets my insides all a flutter when I carefully squeeze that winter mint with microburst power for fresher breath longer out onto my blue toothbrush and give it a quick kiss of bathroom sink water. Its more like a full immersion but I will leave that analogy for you to create.
How someone brushes their teeth says something. Its a statement. I know that I hate to brush in front of people. It makes me a little bit self-conscious in the way that people look away really fast when they were staring at a stoplight and you turned and caught them.
You have the counters. These are the people that count the strokes as if to time, giving each and every tooth their proper time.
You have the hit and run people. Like a demo of Grand Theft Auto they are in and out before the cops can catch them. There is hardly time for the brush to foam and hardly a reason to rinse.
You have the rabies wannabes. These are the people that are so focused on their teeth they don't realize that their face is minty fresh.
Flossing. I used to hate it. I mean really hate it. Flossing was how I knew their was still evil in the world. It didn't matter if there was some new flavor, what good will that do between my teeth? Seriously. But, I have to admit, I had a change of heart. It came with out a clatter, whistles and bells, a lot like the feeling of Christmas. It came all the same. Flossing is like that dog with a limp who has a sticker in his paw. There is such a relief to see him no longer limping. Now, to be clear, I am not saying that my mouth is like a dog paw. That would be ridiculous. What I am saying is that there is nothing like getting that popcorn kernel out from between those molars.
As far as other practical things are concerned, I don't have much to say. If you want practical, check out some infomercials. That's all they advertise. Want practical? Get a snuggie.